Well its been a while since a post, as I had to go back to the USA for a week, and then upon my return there was a rush to get everything done for a operations inspection from Indias aviation authority…which of course and as expected didnt go so well.

But lets chat about traveling as a passenger out of India.

It all starts at the airport check in…

Normally check in is easy, you can bring your friends and family with you, but oh not in India. For some reason the public isnt allowed into the terminal building unless they have pre purchased ticket! And then this ticket doesnt allow then in too far, just to the arrivals area, so really its pointless.Problem was the day I left the sale of tickets for the terminal was banned due to some security reason, so there was crowds outside the nasty terminal blocking the entrance all complaining they cant buy a ticket to walk the 50 ft into the terminal.

But I get in using my crew pass, and make my way to the xray machine, where you must get your back xrayed.This is the xray for your checked bags and the fools are opening bags and complaining to people that they have screw drivers in their bags, one woman has a nice knife set. All these items are deemed somehow dangerous and are removed… how they will be a danger in a checked bag I will never know as they also seal the bag with straps after its xrayed and deemed safe, so I have no clue as to the logic here… do they no realize this aint a train and there is no access to your bags in flight?

But eventually you make it to check in, only to notice that behind the check in desk is piles of trash, just literally trash everywhere and dirt, and its not a little bit, its 3 ft high in places! Welcome to India I think to myself.

After checkin you go for interrogation to leave the country, where you beg for permission to leave! I havent figured out the logic here, I am sure there is no logic to the process. You also have to pass a Customs and Quarantine desk… why they are on the departure side I am yet to figure out, but they never stop anyone, they just sit there like rocks staring at you as you walk past them.

You then make it into Kolkatas luxury international terminal departure area.

Its a luxurious area I am told, where you can not do much but sit or buy a drink for 400 times its actual value from the one and only shop in the area, or you can buy a bottle of duty free liquor that for some reason is 3 times the retail street price.

The toilets in Kolkatas int l terminal are disgusting, they make you gag. As you walk in they look clean enough but then you realize they are like all Indian toilets, cleaned with water only so it stinks of piss, shit and vomit. Its hard to hold my breath but I have to pee badly so I brave it. I notice on the way out there is one of those sheets with the cleaners signoff every hour.. whats a joke, I bet it dated 1984 …

Now I go back and sit down, the seat it dirty, the floor is dirty and then I am just staring at the trash can. At first I cant figure out what I am staring at, then I realize the trash can has things moving on it… then I focus, and its covered in maggots! This is it, pity I didn’t have a real camera with me, the cell phone camera doesn’t do it justice.

But eventually I board the Emirates flight on the first of 3 flights that will get me back to Miami, with the first stop in Dubai, before the next flight to London.

Now boarding any flight with Indians is an experience, there is some animalistic instinct that comes out in Indians when it comes to transportation. They have to get to their seat, and sit. They have no respect for order, no respect for others, and its just a free for all mad dash to push and shove onto the plane, like its going to leave without them so the have to get on board. The majority cant follow instructions about which seat it theirs, nor can they understand the numbering and letter system so this of course caused chaos.

The guy I am sitting next to stinks like pee, really bad. He has this nasty dirty person aroma. You remember when you were a kid and would play in the garden and dirt, that’s the smell of this guy, but add to it the smell of pee, and sweat and you have the aroma I am beside. Even though I am cold I am forced to put the air vent on full, thank god this is a plane that still has overhead individual air vents I think to myself. It was so bad I was thinking of buying some duty free perfume to fix the smell. And to add to it all, this stinking guy has decided that he can place his elbows over into my space… he gets offended when I tell him to move his arms. He also decides as the plane powers up to take off that its a good time to make a phone call! , I tapped his phone and told him he could be sent to jail in Dubai for that and to turn it off now… he glares at me, but actually stops the call and turns the phone off… idiot.  Thankfully the 4 hr flight isn’t long and I am away from this stink and now I will board a flight without the Indian travellers (or less of them) so life instantly returns to normal. Actually its returned to normal as soon as you get off the plane in Dubai. There is beef burgers for sale, dunkin donuts and starbucks… ahh the civilized world.

But with a short stopover here, I am thankful for the clean fresh air of Dubai and my nostrils have  recovered from the sensual onslaught of the last 4 hrs and I can now sleep my way to London….remind me to wear strong perfume on the next flight out of India please!