Now we were forewarned that the Indian banking system is ridiculous, but really its far from ridiculous its downright stupid.
We had a major international bank chosen for us to use as our bank, the Standard Chartered bank. We thought this was fine as when we lived in South Africa we used them and they were great, also they opened our account in the Priority Banking center, which in the USA is reserved for account holders with a minimum balance of $1 million (I wish).
So I am supposed to get paid o the first of the month…do you think this happened… of course not.
So the second comes around, still they are dilly dallying around and with no rush in site to get the payment made, I have to “do the needful” as they say and get pissed off with them to get it done. 45 minutes later of course its done, but not by direct deposit as I am told, but by check. Great…a banking system like this is not going to clear a large check instantly (remembering the average pay check here is around RS5000, and mine is called a large check as its over 80 times this amount….which creates more scrutiny)
So after a little temper tantrum, plus the need to get the money to the USA to pay all our bills asap as they all fall due on the 3rd of the month, I get them to do a instant transfer into our indian bank as a check will take at least a day to clear…but even though the money is meant to arrive in the account within 30 minutes, it arrives at 7.30pm that night.
Now banks here are open long hours… 10am to 7pm in my case. Not that its any help of course. Due to the account they set up I am a priority banking center client, which means I can go to the personal bankers in the special bank upstairs… this part of the bank has some pretty helpful staff and very pretty staff, although not very knowledgable or worldly they are better than the downstairs workers in the normal bank. It also has a special “hotline” but more on that in sec. (I think the word hotline has another meaning ” to install a phone line for customers to call to which will never be answered”)
So to send money via wire transfer in most developed and undeveloped countries of the world its a simple task, so much so that normally you can send wire transfers via your online banking site, or you walk in go to a teller and 10 minutes later its delivered across the world ….. but no not in India!
First we find out we can only do a wire transfer between 10am and 1pm…why…I dont know. This is a problem as its now 2pm, no worries we do the forms now and at 10am sharp the forms will be processed (sure heard this before, but the teller women is georgous so no matter what she tells me I will believe her and continue to drool)
Next you need forms, of course we expected this, but not 4 pages and a personal letter! WTF!! It turns out this is all because of 9/11 in the USA… should I point out that the USA is some half a world away, and bombing a building whilst flying on a what was a probably at $20 ticket was not done via a wire transfer. And with the fact you can use your atm card worldwide, do you think they really just didnt withdraw the money from their own atm card….but lets not go there. I also find out you cannot transfer out all your salary, so I have to write a letter beggind them and telling them I am sending it back to the USA to support my wife and family….and end the letter asking them to “do the needful’ !
So forms done, promises made and off I go into the steamy heat of the street back to the office.
The next day comes, all is happy, if this works out our money will be in our US account prior to midnight and the bills will be paid with any overdraft fees . Yeh right. this aint going to happen this is India, but I again stupidly give them the benefit of the doubt!
10am comes and goes, no transfer done.
12pm comes and goes we have promises its getting done
12.30pm comes, the cutoff of 1pm is approaching, I get the pretty banker women on the phone again and she now says that the transfer isnt instant, it will take 2 days, done expect it done until monday!! I am now in a panic… there goes our credit rating!
12.33pm I again search for help in the office, or the land of people playing solitaire on their computers all day, and find a man who handles all the company banking. He cant understand the problem as all the transfers they do are more or less instant.
12.47pm The office banker talks to the pretty banker from the bank, she is still a little clueless, she really does think that when the wire transfer information is transmitted to the New York office of the Standard bank that it will then be manually processed like in India… it takes a while and still she is unconvinced that in the rest of the world these banking processes have been computerized for years. She promises its being done now.
2pm still no money out of our account nor any transfer, so I call, she is in a meeting. I was earlier given the number for both the person who does the US dollar transfers and the section he works in, but do you think they answer their phones…of course not.
2.30pm call back, she is still in a meeting and back in 30 min ( I think in fact she is at lunch, which be more helpful if they wouldnt lie and just say this, I know that people have to eat lunch)
3 – 7pm her number is busy, and the hotline number which I have been calling all day doesnt answer. Standard Chartered bank of India, if you have a hotline number for your large account holders dont you think you should or could at least get someone to answer it. I know that in America there is lots of people out of work, maybe you could do a deal to setup a call center there?? (I could just imagine a old red neck woman in the Texas call center, ” Hell – o this aint be Anita, I am from Standard Bank New Del – Hi how can I help ya people ” , followed by ” I am sorry sirr , you gotta speak proper english sirr, I aint be understanding ya and no I dont speak no god damn hindi ‘
Anyway we resign ourselves to not ever seeing the money in the USA and our credit scores getting wrecked, but low and behold, the logistics man at the office has been on the case all afternoon on my behalf sitting in the bank perstering them, yes this is the only way to get something done. Sitting or camping out in someones office is normally the way to get something done here! So strange it is. But at 7.35pm the money is withdrawn from our bank account and at 8pm its in our US bank account, distaster averted…just!
I cant wait until next month when I get to do this all over again!
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